These last couple months have been really hard for me. I left a job that I wasn’t quite fond of, but it gave me much free time to do my “so-called side projects”, the luxury of free traveling and not required me to go to the office. But then I just jumped out into corporate job to fuel my impulsive curiosity and I was crippled by regret.
People might say that I am ungrateful or just being negative all the time. I will take the latter, concluding that I am one of the weaklings. I often see problems, especially at work, as burdens, not opportunities to grow. I got a job with flexible schedule, but the money wasn’t enough for me. Then I got a stable income by working behind the desk, and I got bored. Either I am too lazy to live or I just don’t live in the present. I’ve never felt enough and content to move on.
Negativity can be big and bigger if we keep feed them. Xandria Ooi, a motivational speaker once said, “Jealousy, rage, bitterness, negativity can rattle so loud in our ears, in our soul, that we can’t see or hear anything else.”
If we look at people with disabilities and they try hard to change their life and eventually succeed, we will absolutely find that inspiring. We will send our best supports and prayers to them.
Trying to fix our bad habit is no different than those inspiring people, so why would I be ashamed to admit that I have many flaws and vulnerable? Why can’t I encourage myself to be stronger and better? Like Xandria said, eat your vegetables, even though you don’t like it. But you know it’s good for you. Read self help book. Go travel. Laugh with your friends. Learn new skills. Let critics build you, and don’t make space for hate. Breaking the old habit is so damn hard, because it takes work and occasionally it’s not fun. Reversion to old habits is easy, and that’s why most people quit.
I must acknowledge my problems and look deep to find the solutions, otherwise I will end up harming myself –or worse, blaming others. And for years I have been hurting myself because in my mind, jealousy can turn to hate. However, I no longer choose to volunteer carrying the hate around. Because keeping the hate and hoping that the person you hate will suffer, is like drinking poison and waiting others to die. It’s useless and exhausting.
Peter Sage said “Your body and mind can adapt accordingly to your environment. Whatever your choice, going to McDonalds or the gym, your body will do what it’s meant to do and it will ADAPT. But so does your MIND.” So just choose the environment that will make you constantly think positively, not the other way around like you used to be. It’s that SIMPLE.
That’s why I began to write here, as a reminder of someone trying to let go of all the past behind, and to live in the present. To remind me that I am strong enough to seek help, to find the way to program myself to be positive. And no one can break me as long as I have a conscious and healthy mind. Have a nice day, everyone!