“I am 50 years old now. It’s like the golden age. And your age is half of mine!”
You told me over the phone, while I was staring through the window of my office, located on 11th floor. I think the only part I love about working here is because I can see the crowded capital through bird’s-eye view (just kidding, boss). But sometimes, I find myself daydreaming while looking at the scenery, imagining things, worrying about my life and what my future is gonna be.
Okay, enough about me. It should be about you, mom. Because this is your birthday. Like the common birthday wish, I certainly wish you all the best. But the most important wish is I pray to God that you can be healthy for a long time so you can see me catch my dreams. I want you to be able to witness my success, the time that I finally make it up to you. I wish you’re still there, and be proud of me. Because there is no one that believe me better than you. I’m still your spoiled son, mom.
You said you knew that I had crossed the line. I’ve been wondering what line that you were talking about. You know what the scientists say, mothers can connect to their children regardless the distance. Sometimes I just think that you already know what I have become, that I have changed more than I realized over the past couple years.
But I’m still the spoiled son, mom. I still hate people but I don’t like being alone. I want to live freely but I’m still afraid to make changes. I never feel enough, there’s always something missing, and not knowing what is it makes me miserable.
I know I shouldn’t bother you with all of my problems in your birthday, but let me tell you something: no words can describe how lucky I am to have you as my mother. You always listen and understand me, even when I don’t understand myself. You said you got me. You said I should hang on, that my journey is still long, and I never know what’s waiting in the future. And I’ll be damned if I say that I am in the place where I never imagined to reach to because I was a rebel.
I’m sorry I often blamed you for every bad things happened in my life, I was just being a stubborn loser. I know I can no longer helping my self by just sitting in the corner reading some fantasy books. I am still your spoiled son, but I have grown up. I will never make you worry anymore, because I promise I’ll listen to you and do everything I can to make you happy. Your time has come, mom. All your hardwork and sacrifices will pay off. You have my word.
Now, can you take me to my favorite satay vendor, where we can have the birthday dinner, just the two of us? I miss having dinner with you, and you are my best date so far. No, I’m not trying to dodge your ‘When will you get married?’ question. I just… well, things are more complicated now… and by the way, can I have a big dung-dung ice cream as dessert? After that, can you buy me a decent shirt and then say that I look very handsome wearing it? When we’re home, can you stroke my hair gently while I lay by your lap till I fall asleep peacefully?
I miss being your little and spoiled son, mom. Happy birthday. I love you more than anything.