It was 10 p.m. last night when I stared at this blinking cursor, trying to write again after a catastrophic hibernation. My 11 years old cousin was sleeping while talking and rolling his body frequently in his bed, where I sat and held my netbook. I tried to focus on my writing even though I should protect my netbook from his kicking legs.
In case you wonder why I wrote in my uncle’s house not the office, I’ll tell you a movie that I’ve been watching over and over again. It tells a story about a man who tries to rebuild his life after being rehabilitated in a mental hospital. Worse, he has lost his job and lovely wife because he beats up a history teacher who is caught having affair with her… in the shower.
You have my toast if you know that the man is Bradley Cooper in the Silver Linings Playbook. However, I beg to differ with him because I did not undergo rehabilitation and I don’t have a wife who would cheat on me.
It’s funny because I tried to explain about losing a job in three paragraphs. The main reason is because I consider the loss as my first big failure. I have never felt so passionate about doing any job except the last one. I was so happy and grateful I couldn’t even think about preparing back up plan if I failed.
At first I thought a dementor had feed off my happiness. I was despondent and clinically depressed.
However, the creator of the dementor, JK Rowling, saved me through her 2008 commencement speech at Harvard. He said that her failures including her first marriage had set her free, because her greatest fear had been realized and she was still alive, had a daughter whom she adored, an old typewriter, and a big idea. Failure made her direct all of her energy into finishing the only work that mattered to her.
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not live it all,” Rowling said.
Yes, she’s definitely right. I was depressed and couldn’t feel anything because I had never encountered a real failure which I could learn from. As I read on Pathfinders by Gail Sheehy, the best thing that can happen to most people may be to fail a little—early. The earlier that first, failure in adolescence, and a person discovers he does not die from it, the sooner he can allow more self-compassion and humor inside his container and begin to accept that his identity will build, show blemishes, suffer injuries, repair itself, and be renewed again and again—if he lets it.
Get a benefit of failure, and not seeing it as a big hurdle to step ahead, is my goal now. Failure can happen to everybody, even mostly the best of us. And we have to deal with that, like we deal with our face given by God. A good executor is way much better than a good planner, because we can’t choose or control what happen in our life. That’s way I decided to begin “A Blog Post A Day” project, to prepare myself to be a good writer as I’ve always wanted. Success is intersection point of preparation and opportunity. Don’t waste your time to regret the past or feel cheated by the life, because life is an unfair bitch anyway 🙂